Anger/What if...

#6 on my list of things I want for 2012.

Dear Kids:

I read this message about Anger. It made an impact on me. I hope it makes as much of an impact on you as it did me.

For me...

Anger is exhausting.

Anger is heavy.

Like he says in his message...Anger is a choice.

What if instead of focusing on "What if" fears, we focused on "What if" positive statements like this one?

What if ...I chose to never become angry again.

Do you think this is possible?

I do.

Read the messsage :).

I thought about these scriptures when thinking about getting rid of anger.

In Matthew 11 it reads: copy and pasted from here

28 ¶^aCome unto me, all ye that ^blabour and are heavy laden, and I will give you ^crest.

29 Take my ^ayoke upon you, and ^blearn of me; for I am ^cmeek and^dlowly in ^eheart: and ye shall find ^frest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is ^aeasy, and my burden is light.

Which feeling will you choose to have?

Ok, so I know Camryn's not really mad in this picture. She's teasing, but you get the point right?:)

Love, Mom

What if...

This post has to do with # 17 on my list of things I want for 2012.

My 4 almost 5 year old Camryn dressed herself the other day. I looked at her and when I asked her about it, she was pretty excited. I'm telling you, the outfit was pretty crazy. I decided to let it go and let her wear it. I have to admit that as I took her into my kids school and to the mall afterwards it was a little tough not saying anything. Not saying to other people, "Can you tell she dressed herself" and feel like I needed to explain her or myself. But I didn't. I didn't say anything about it to anyone. After all, why did it matter? She felt good in what she was wearing. It was good for me. It was good to let go of that control. It was good to let go of my pride. It was good for me to let go of that "what if" fear. What if someone thinks I'm not a good mom. What if someone thinks I don't know how to match my child. What if someone judges me. What if....

I want to let go of that fear of not being enough. (Like I learned in the "What Happy People Know" Book I've mentioned before. Did I mention you should go get it at the library or buy it today.:) Once again, I don't agree with everything in the book, but there are a lot of interesting concepts in there.)

What is your What if.... fear?

And so, here she is. In all her glory. I just had to photograph this realness.

Disclaimer

I've just been thinking about a few things and wanted to make sure I put these thoughts out there.

As I journal on this blog, I hope that I don't portray that I am being this perfect mom who makes blankets and teddy bears for her kids everyday. This is not the case AT. ALL. In fact the opposite might be more true. I have recently realized that I am not the mom that I want to be. I want to change the kind of mom I've been. I'm trying to do better. I'm sharing my tryings. Journaling with other people viewing makes me feel a little more accountable for the things I say and do:). Thinking of things I could journal about helps me do good things. I've decided to keep my journaling positive. This does not mean that we don't have problems at our house. We do. Everyone does. It would be exhausting for you to read them and really for me to write them all the time. So, I will stay mostly positive. I believe I can still document positive realness. Most of the negative realness, I may not want to remember, and I won't want my kids to remember. If it is something I want to document, I will most likely keep it on my private journal.

I have never felt like a deep thinker. I feel like I have just kind of been living more on the surface. Lately, I've just felt differently. There is a lot more to life than just getting by. I don't want to die and realize that I just got by. I don't want to have any more regrets. So, I'm trying harder. I think that "trying" is so important. It's hard to not let discouragement get the best of us. I don't believe discouragement comes from God. I hope that the things I write in this journal will be uplifting, encouraging, and inspiring. I have been uplifted, encouraged, and inspired by things others have written and I appreciate it so much.

Journaling helps me think more deeply. It helps me see things differently. I absolutely love thinking about words and experiences I can share on this blog. I hope that it uplifts you.

The next post is a talk that I gave in church about journaling and family history. I know it is long, but I hope you will read it.

When is the last time you journaled? Has it been a little while? You could start today. Go for it. You'll be glad you did. Your children will be glad you did:).

On a side note: #3 on my list of things I want for 2012

I want to start giving my happy smile more often to all my kids and my husband, not just my baby. :) Smiles can make all of difference can't they!

Go ahead, smile your biggest smile today, no matter what the circumstances are:).

Thanks honey, for capturing this:

Journaling

Dear Kids: Last Sunday I spoke about Journaling at church. I want to remember this talk. I always want to remember how I felt preparing this talk and how important journaling is. I don't want my feelings to fade. I hope you kids read this talk below and feel the same spirit I did. I want you to know that I received help from Heavenly Father writing this talk. Personal Revelation is real. Here is most of the talk with some things tweaked a bit, and some things I had cut out etc. Begin Talk: I first want to talk for a few minutes about riding on an airplane. Maybe some of you youth haven’t been on an airplane yet, but that’s ok. You can imagine it with me. Flying on an airplane can be a pretty amazing experience, but a lot of the experience depends on where you are sitting. There are a few different ways to experience an airplane ride. You can experience it sitting next to the aisle, sitting in a middle seat, or sitting in a window seat. Sitting in an aisle seat, you see mainly what is in front of you. You might see people walking up and down the aisle. You might hear or talk to the person next to you, but as an aisle sitter, you actually could probably make a whole trip and not even realize you were in the air. Except for a few bounces and bumps along the way, it might just seem like you were just sitting in a room or an office on the ground. In a middle seat you might be close enough to a window to get a glimpse of the outside. You might be able to see a few clouds, or mountains, but mostly you’ll probably just see the seat in front of you and the people directly around you. Then there is the window seat. It’s what everybody wants. You are able to look out the window and see the world behind you and the world ahead of you. You can see the clouds, the mountains, the deserts, the trees, the streets, the cars, the houses. You can see the Bigger Picture. From this seat you realize just how amazing flight is.Now what does that have to do with family history? I want you to think about it for a little bit and I’ll come back to that at the end of my talk. A few weeks ago, during testimony meeting I came up and spoke about a Book of Mormon Challenge I took on about 2 ½ months ago. I hope you will forgive me if I speak a little bit more about it today.At the end of November of last year, I decided to take on the challenge to read the Book of Mormon in 31 days. I figured that if I could read a regular book and be so into it that I couldn’t put it down, I should be able to read the Book of Mormon that way. And so I took on the challenge to read the Book of Mormon more like a book, like a story you might say. The challenge was not easy. It required me to read early in the morning at times, and there were days that I missed and would have to make up those pages on another day. It was also around the holidays and there was a time when I thought maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal to just add about 6 more days to my timeframe. However, I decided to stick to it and I finished on target. I did not understand everything I read by any means, but I am here to tell you, that challenge started a fire in me. It has made all of the difference in my life. I believe that because of that challenge and my desire to do this, Heavenly Father has blessed me more than I would have ever imagined. I feel like I am changed because of the Book of Mormon and my obedience in reading it. You hear stories all the time about how this one Book and how it has changed and affected people. We know that the Book of Mormon is a history of God’s dealings with the people who lived in the Americas a long time ago. So it is a history, a record, or you might call it a journal of how God was involved in their lives. Can you imagine if those ancient prophets had not kept those records for whatever reason. If maybe they had felt like it was too time consuming, or too hard of a task, if they felt like what they said didn’t matter or wasn’t going to make a difference, or if they felt too inadequate with their writing skills. Image what we would be without today. How important do you think it was for them to keep records of their lives? How important do you think it is for us to keep records of our lives? Elder Theodore M. Burton said: “As a people we ought to write of our own lives and our own experiences to form a sacred record for our decendants. We must provide for them the same uplifting, faith promoting strength that the ancient scriptures now give us. (Ensign, Jan 1977) President Kimball has talked about writing in journals. He had 33 black binders in his personal study when he was called to be President of the church. I would like to share a few of his thoughts from an Ensign article entitled “President Kimball Speaks Out on Personal Journals.” First of all WHO should journal: He states: Would every family, as they now hold their home evenings, train their children from young childhood to keep a journal of the important activities of their lives, certainly by the time they begin to leave home for schooling and missions? Close quoteSo Everyone. Even young children should be writing.I have to tell you. I have never really enjoyed writing in a journal. It just wasn’t really enjoyable for me and it took too long. When I came across this girl’s blog that I spoke of earlier who was involved in the Generations project I was incredibly inspired by her story. She had lost a brother and then lost a baby boy. Her journaling on her blog was still so inspiring. Maybe even more so, because of her trials. I read her blog like a book, Post after post. I started to wonder if I might enjoy writing. I started wondering if I could be a good writer. Up to that point, my blog was mainly pictures and very little writing. I think I was afraid of putting myself out there for other people to see and I think I was afraid that I just simply wasn’t a good enough writer.I decided at the beginning of this month (February) that I was going to start journaling on my blog. I can not even tell you how much I have enjoyed it. I never imagined I would love to journal so much. I actually have had mornings when I would wake up and just couldn’t wait to go journal. At times my mind would just be swirling with ideas about what I could write about. I actually went and bought a little notebook at the dollar store so that went inspirtation came, I could write it down. This brings me to the next question: WHEN should we write: President Kimball states: Your story should be written now while it is fresh and while the true details are available.I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time remembering things. If I don’t write it down, sometimes it’s just gone. Sometimes those details can be gone in a day or even an hour. I truly believe that we can receive inspiration from our Heavenly Father daily, even hourly if we are living right. If we don’t write the inspiration down, it really might be gone. Now WHAT should we write in our Journals: President Kimball says: Your private journal should record the way you face up to challenges that beset you. Do not suppose life changes so much that your experiences will not be interesting to your posterity. Experiences of work, relations with people, and an awareness of the rightness and wrongness of actions will always be relevant. Your journal, like most others, will tell of problems as old as the world and how you dealt with them.Your journal should contain your true self rather than a picture of you when you are “made up” for a public performance. There is a temptation to paint one’s virtues in rich color and whitewash the vices, but there is also the opposite pitfall of accentuating the negative.He goes on to say: “Personally I have little respect for anyone who delves into the ugly phases of the life he is portraying, whether it be his own or another’s. The truth should be told, but we should not emphasize the negative. Even a long life full of inspiring experiences can be brought to the dust by one ugly story. Why dwell on that one ugly truth about someone whose life has been largely circumspect? Close quote.So sharing day to day things are good, but leaving something behind that our children and their children can be inspired by and connected to that is real is so important. I want my children to be able to look back on my journal and find hope, and faith, and how I overcame problems and how I tried to be better. I want them to know that I had a testimony and had spiritual experiences. I never want to focus on the negative in my journal because that seems like it would be exhausting to read. WHY should we write in our journals: I’ve talked about some of them, but in case you’re not convinced, I love the thoughts that President Kimball ends with. He states:Your journal is your autobiography, so it should be kept carefully. You are unique, and there may be incidents in your experience that are more noble and praiseworthy in their way than those recorded in any other life.What could you do better for your children and your children’s children than to record the story of your life, your triumphs over adversity, your recovery after a fall, your progress when all seemed black, your rejoicing when you had finally achieved? Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity.And then I like what he says next:We hope you will begin as of this date. If you have not already commenced this important duty in your lives, get a good notebook, a good book that will last through time and into eternity for the angels to look upon. Begin today and write in it your goings and your comings, your deeper thoughts, your achievements, and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. We hope you will do this, our brothers and sisters, for this is what the Lord has commanded, and those who keep a personal journal are more likely to keep the Lord in remembrance in their daily lives.” Close quote. I love that last part: and those who keep a personal journal are more likely to keep the Lord in remembrance in their daily lives. I know that’s true. I’ve seen it in my life as I have started to journal. There is so much good in life. We just have to look for it. We have to see it. We have to recognize it and recognize the inspiration that comes from Heavenly Father about things we can write that will help others around us and our posterity. With all of the technology twitter, facebook, and blogs, there is so much time that can be wasted and Idled away. Idling away time makes me feel very unhappy and makes me feel further away from the spirit. For me, journaling can be a great missionary tool and a source of inspiration for others. There is so much good that can be done on twitter, facebook, and blogs. If we are going to be on there, in moderation of course, we may as well inspire others. It is crazy how many people you can affect in just one day with something we write. There is so much evil on the internet, but there is also So. Much. Good. What an opportunity to share the gospel. We never know who we can affect by what we share. I know this because this one blog I came across that I have spoken of today, which, by the way, I believe Heavenly Father put in my path, has helped inspire me to want to do great things. So we know that our journals can help others. What can they do for us? In an Ensign article entitled My Journal, My Testimony, Salli Hollenzer shares some of the things she’s gained in more than her 25 years of Journal writing: I would like to share a list of these things in her words: I acquired a written family record of details that are a practical source of informationI have a clearer, richer memory of the past I found a practical method of setting goals, tracking my progress, and following through on commitments. I discovered a therapeutic means to resolve emotional, social, and spiritual issues I face. I have improved my writing skills I have discovered that many of my righteous desires are eventually fulfilled I have created a form of personal scripture by recording the inspiration and revelations I have received. Now, I would like to go back to our airplane ride. What does an airplane ride have to do with family history?On an airplane ride we sometimes get what we get. We don’t always get to choose our seat. In life, it is a choice. We can choose to be an aisle sitter and see only what is directly in front of us or beside us. We can choose to focus only on me, here, right now. We can choose to be a middle sitter where we can see small glimpses of where we fit into the big picture, being partially engaged. Or we can choose to be a window sitter. We can choose this every day. We can be very much a part of the Big Picture. We can look behind us to our ancestors and ahead of us to our posterity. It can change us when we think outside of the me, here, now. As we connect with our families we can find more of a sense of purpose. We can come to know ourselves better. We can be a part of saving souls . It can make all the difference in our lives. How will what I am doing today affect my children and their children? How will it affect my family who has passed on. We need to find that connection. I think that’s what the spirit of Elijah helps us to do, it helps to open our eyes to the Big Picture. But we must first move our feet. So how do we do it. How do we become a window sitter? How do we change?We do something. We do something today, while we feel the spirit. Something, not everything. We can’t take it all on at once. Elder Bednar in a video on LDS.org entitled “The Time is Now: Youth on Family History” where he was speaking to some youth about family history and the importance of engaging in temple work said, speaking to one of the young men, “With a young man like you, I will rarely ever ask the question, “Are you preparing to go on a mission?” I will ask the question “Are you worthy to be in the temple, and will you be next year and will you be the year after that. Are you doing the research in your own family and helping other people with their research? That, for a young person, in the wickedness of the world in which we live today is one of the greatest safeguards against the temptations of the adversary. The time is now. Close quote. If I leave here today and don’t have a goal in mind of how I am going to start to get involved in family history, these talks today will have been of little benefit. I believe that sometimes if we fail to plan, we plan to fail. Can I suggest a few different options of what you can do today. Sometimes taking the first step is the hardest part, once we do that and we feel the spirit of Elijah, I believe that the desire can burn within us.One thing you can do is: -Sit down and write in your journal today. Write down the spirit you felt in your meetings. Write down what you learned. Write down what you think might help your kids one day. Write down your testimony. Write down how you have seen the hand of God in your life today. Just write. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Another thing you can do is: -Find a journal entry or a story from someone in your family who was born before you. Maybe you can even ask your parents if you can read one of their own journal entries. You can also: -Sit down with your mom or dad and find out about their childhood. Just talk to them. With no other distractions. Find out about what their parents were like and how they raised them. If you think about it, how much do we really know about our own parents and grandparents? Do we take the time to talk to them about their life? This would be a great idea for Family Home Evening. I have focused mainly on keeping records for our posterity, but another thing you can do to feel and be a part of family history is learn how to index. Indexing is simply looking at a record that was hand written and typing in what you see, so that it can be available to people on their computer in a digital form. Don’t worry about messing up. There are people who will check over it after you are done to make sure it was done correctly. -Go to LDS.org to learn how to do this or call me and I will help you. It will take you maybe 15 minutes. Youth especially. Courtney, my ten year old and I sat down for a few minutes to index. It’s pretty simple.We need to find that connection. Finding out about our ancestors help us find out about ourselves and keeping records will leave a legacy for our posterity. Testimony End Talk. I love this picture I took of Camryn awhile back. It makes me think...anyone can journal right!

Enjoying the journey

I read this message this morning. It's such a good reminder of what is important in life. The following are different parts of the message I took straight from the talk.

"This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now."

Many years ago, Arthur Gordon wrote in a national magazine, and I quote:

“When I was around thirteen and my brother ten, Father had promised to take us to the circus. But at lunchtime there was a phone call; some urgent business required his attention downtown. We braced ourselves for disappointment. Then we heard him say [into the phone], ‘No, I won’t be down. It’ll have to wait.’

“When he came back to the table, Mother smiled. ‘The circus keeps coming back, you know,’ [she said.]

“‘I know,’ said Father. ‘But childhood doesn’t.’”

Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” ³We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.

Send that note to the friend you’ve been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say “I love you” more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of “what if” and “if only.” Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”

In the 1960s, during the Vietnam War, Church member Jay Hess, an airman, was shot down over North Vietnam. For two years hisfamily had no idea whether he was dead or alive. His captors in Hanoi eventually allowed him to write home but limited his message to less than 25 words. What would you and I say to our families if we were in the same situation—not having seen them for over two years and not knowing if we would ever see them again? Wanting to provide something his family could recognize as having come from him and also wanting to give them valuable counsel, Brother Hess wrote—and I quote: “These things are important: temple marriage, mission, college. Press on, set goals, write history, take pictures twice a year.”

The ancient Roman philosopher Horace admonished, “Whatever hour God has blessed you with, take it with grateful hand, nor postpone your joys from year to year, so that in whatever place you have been, you may say that you have lived happily.”

by President Thomas S. Monson, "Finding Joy in the Journey"You can read his full message here.

End of Quotes

So, I decided I wanted to make the kids blankets for Valentine's Day. I wanted them to have something special that they could have forever and say that their mom "made" it for them:). I think it makes it that much more special to them. I was pretty excited to give the blankets to the kids. They are the soft Minki stuff on both sides. The material is pretty expensive, and with it being on both sides, I needed a total of 10 pieces of fabric. Ben Franklin had a lot more of a variety than Hobby Lobby, so I bought most of it there. Ben Franklin took competitors 40% coupons. You could only use one coupon per day per family for up to 2 yards. The material was like $17.99 a yard and I was not about to pay that:). I guess I must have gone in there eight times to buy separate pieces of fabric. It started to feel like ground hog day:). I was able to buy two at a time at hobby lobby so that was nice. Anyway, like I said on my last post, they were very imperfectly done, but the kids really liked them. Hopefully a lot of it is the thought that counts right? I hope so. I really wanted it to be special. I wrote them each a nice card to go with them.

Dear Kids:

I hope you love your blankets. They were made with love. Always remember how much I love you.

Mom.

p.s. Don't be jealous of my new vintagey camera bag I got from Adam for Valentine's Day :). (I may have picked it out and ordered it myself, along with a book on film making:)Thanks honey!

Working on it

I'm working on #2 of my list of things I want for 2012. I wanted to spend some one on one time with the kids while I could. I asked Courtney (my ten year old) if she wanted to sew a skirt for Cali, so we did. Cade actually ended up wanting to sew also, which seemed so funny. We decided on making a teddy bear for him:).

Now, when it comes to sewing, I like to sew if I can do it my way instead of the way someone else does it. Also, if it takes too long, forget get. I don't have the patience:). When I was at Ricks College I took a children's clothing sewing class with my mom. Oh boy, that was killer. My mom's help was the only reason I got through that class. It was my first sewing class and we made a children's coat, and a blessing dress! Are you kidding me?! I would never recommend starting there. You might rip your hair out! Anyway, it was pretty cool to say that I made those two things in the end. It make me feel pretty pro:).

Sewing, for me, must be a very imperfect science. If it has to be perfect, I won't want to do it. That's what I was trying to tell the kids when they were worried about messing up. It was funny because toward the end when I was working on the bear's tie, I said something like, "Well, it's not perfect, but" Cade then had to remind me that it didn't have to be:). I love to see the end result of something I worked on. There is something pretty cool about saying that I created it.

If you haven't tried sewing, you should give it a shot. Sew something you like and something very simple.

Perfectionism is killer. What have you not tried because you fear it won't be perfect, or you can't bare the thoughts of the time it would take making it perfect?

I once went to a photography workshop and he told us "perfectionism only leads to procrastination" Wow, that hit home! My photo editing was just daunting because I could hardly start on what I thought had to be perfect. He told us to be ok with great pictures. I'm going to create great pictures this year, and not perfect pictures. If you have the same problem as me and drag your feet taking pictures because you are worried about perfectionism. Stop, document your family. Years down the road you won't care, you will be so drawn to the child in the picture and how much they have changed. Shooting is the only way to get better anyway:).

With sewing, I'm even ok with ok results:) They don't even have to be great. I think that's why I like it.

So go and find something that inspires you and try it. It doesn't have to be perfect.

Back to Cade.

This sewing project was not necessarily about the end result, it was about time. Time with him. Think of it, in the end he had a teddy bear, time with his mom, and more confidence because he helped make it. What's better than that? He loved sewing so much that he has kept asking me since. We were going to spend the night at his grandma and grandpa's and he wanted to bring the sewing machine with us! That didn't happen, but you just never know what your kids will like if you don't try it, right:)?

Check it out:

The end result is one happy kid and the most perfectly imperfect teddy bear named Mr. Man with tons of character. I love you Cade. Mom

8

My Cade got baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints this month. This is the announcement I sent out. The card was a 4x8 front and back. I was absolutely in love with it. It's just totally him. "Him" is who I want to remember. There are a lot more images from this session I want to post. When he wants to have his picture taken, he just ham's it up. By the way, the scout shirt was HIS idea.

Dear Cade:

I am so proud of the person you are. I love your energy. I hope you keep spreading happiness and smiles all of your life. I love you.

Mom

I was not prepared

There is more to Caleb's (my sixth grader) dance story. He didn't really love the idea of me coming to his dance. After me mentioning it a few different times, I think he was ok with it in the end. As it got closer to the time of his dance, I wondered if I should go. I called the school to see if parents were invited to go. The lady at the office told me that in year's past some parents had come. My baby was asleep, and there were things that needed to be done around the house. I called Adam (my husband) to see what he thought. He hesitated about me going if parents weren't invited. After all this thought I decided to go. This was a big deal. It was something I didn't want to miss. When I got there I was peeking through the glass doors to the commons area where the dance was taking place. I spotted him. I got my camera out and not wanting to make myself known yet, I brought my camera toward the glass and shot a couple pictures. Caleb saw me through the glass. He then did something I hope I will never forget. He waved me in. Yes, he waved me in. I don't know if Caleb will ever understand what that meant to me. I'm getting emotional writing it. He was so nice to me.

I tell you, I was not prepared for the wave of emotion I felt being there, seeing him in that setting. I literally was about ready to break into tears. Nothing prepares you for seeing your child grow up. Nothing. I'm not ready. I haven't been a perfect parent in any sense of the word. But ready or not, it's coming. He'll be in Junior High next year. I went around documenting him at the dance and documenting the details. I'm a little embarrassed to say that I stayed almost the whole time:). I probably overstayed my welcome. I hope to make it up to him with the video/pictures of the dance I have for him to look at and remember.

Dear Caleb:

Thank you for letting me share your day. These pictures will always hold a special place in my heart. They are the two I took when you spotted me at the window and right before you waved me in. I love you cool 6th grader:) Mom

Fear

I recently read a book entitled "What Happy People Know" by Dan Baker. I would suggest going to the library TODAY to pick up a copy. Let me just say that I don't agree with everything in the book. I took from it what I felt was right and true. If it didn't feel right, I set it aside. That's where I believe the Holy Ghost comes in, to help us recognize truth and also recognize when something is not true. The book changed me. It changed the way I look at things in life. It changed the way I look at happiness and how to attain it. One thing the book talks about is fear.

Fear is a crazy thing. Really. It holds us back from doing great things. Sometimes it holds us back from being truly happy.

I felt a warm feeling inside my chest as I watched Caleb (my 6th grader) walk into school yesterday. I'll tell you why. His Valentine's dance was yesterday. He had been thinking about wearing something different than just his normal suit. On Saturday he and I went shopping to find him some clothes. By the way, this is not something that I would probably normally do. I am more frugal/practical/cheap than that. But I felt like this was a pretty big deal. A while ago it hit me that I only had 6 years left with him at home. It made me a little sick to be honest. We had talked about him wearing a tie or a bow tie, and suspenders. When our shopping trip was over we ended up with what you see pictured. His favorite color right now is purple. He had been talking to his friend about wearing something like him also. I tell you. I loved that he was blazing his own trail. I loved that he was not letting fear get in the way of trying something different. You and I remember what it was like being in 6th grade. Peers matter.

As I drove him to school yesterday morning he said his friend had left at about the same time. His friend picked out something similar to Caleb. He was hoping his friend would be there to walk in with him. He felt a bit nervous, and to be honest I did too. Part of me wanted his friend there to be with him. But he wasn't, and honestly I'm glad he wasn't, because Caleb could do it. Caleb could put off fear. Fear of what his friends would think of him. Fear of being different. As he got out of the car, I don't remember his exact words, but it was something like "Here it goes". I watched him walk in and I was proud. I know pride is normally a bad thing, but the pride I felt was good.

What fear do I need to face? What fear do I need to overcome? When we become adults our fears are the same as children, just in a little bit different light. Think about it. Do we fear what people think of us? What has this fear kept us from? Trying new things? Being our true self?

What is the fear that is holding you back? What is it holding you back from? Really.

I love you Caleb. You are such a stud. Thanks for teaching me that I can be real. different. myself.

Enlightened.

A while back I came across Natalie Norton's Blog. She is a photographer. Her words have been such an inspiration to me. She has been through so many hard things in her life and is just incredibly positive and uplifting. She has inspired me to start writing and journaling more. I think I have had a fear of writing on my blog. Fear of putting myself out there, and fear of just not being a good enough writer. I think we all have a story and we need to tell it. Whether it's in a personal journal or for others to see. I don't think we should let fear get in the way. Journaling is for our ourselves and our family that will live on this earth after us (our posterity). It's what we leave behind. What will I leave behind?

This year will be a year of change for me. I can already feel it. I want to really get to know myself and come to know more about my life's mission. We all have one. What kind of a legacy will I leave behind? What do I want people to say about me at my funeral when I have left this earth?

Someone asked this same Natalie Norton about finding your authentic self and being true to yourself. I loved what she suggested. She wrote this: (BTW-You can find this on Formspring here)

"WHY:

1. We don't have very many opportunities for quiet in our crazy world. We are constantly bombarded with distractions: many of them in the form of how OTHERS tell us (directly or indirectly) we should look, think, be, LIVE (TV, Magazines, Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, our parents, conversations with friends etc). With all this noise coming at us from all angles and at all times of the day and night, we lose the ability to judge for ourselves where OUR passions, desires, loves, interests lie. We just follow the flow of the tide. It's easer that way. But then we end up leading lives void of TRUE satiafaction and fulfillment. If we want the silence required to get to know our TRUE selves, we have to make it. Journaling is a great way to carve out real time to dedicate to the kind of quiet that restoring this type of relationship with self requires.

2. We have to WORK to get in touch with ourselves on an authentic level. We have to dig down beneath layers and layers of the stories we've been told about who we are, what we should be like, etc. We've heard these stories since our infancy, and once you've heard somethig enough, like it or not, it becomes your truth. What I'm telling you to do here, is to start the proceas of rewriting this story. And start today.

HOW:

A great place to begin is writing a list of things that make you GENUINELY happy. Things that make you smile, from the deepest part of your gut on out. Take a full 10 minutes and don't let yourself stop writing. If you run out of ideas, just keep repeating the same ones while you give your heart time to engage. "

I loved this. What really makes me happy? What really makes you happy? Photograph it. Document it. Create it, so you can have it and so you can leave it behind. Do you want to know one thing that makes me happy.

This.

Them.

Breakfast before school.

Left to right:
Camryn-She's in her tumbling leotard. She loves to tumble. The other morning when it was my husband's Friday off. She just kept tumbling and tumbling in our front room. So determined. She ended up doing a round off and 5 back handsprings in a row. I was encouraging her, but she was also very determined to practice over and over.
Caleb- He just loves a good breakfast. This is probably his favorite right now. French toast with a delicious cinnamon, buttery, syrup. Caleb is full of goodness.
Cade- Cade is Cade. There is no one else like him. He has personality coming out of his ears.
Courtney- Holding the baby. Boy is she a big help.
Cali- She is spoiled by everyone. What can I say?

Motherhood/Parenting

President Gordon B. Hinckley has pleaded that we “work at our responsibility as parents as if everything in life counted on it, because in fact everything in life does count on it.”

I read this line this morning here.

That's BIG. Really Big.

I thought this was really good. Watch to the end when he talks about safe guarding our youth.



By the way, the last post is called a gif. You can create one in photoshop. It's cool how you can create movement from stills. If you google it, you can find tutorials on how to do it.

My little Cali

Studio Realness.

I had a great day yesterday. I had been wanting some photos of my baby and I together. I love connection as much as I do realness. When I talked about realness in my last couple of posts, that didn't mean that I would give up studio pictures of my kids all together. There still is definitely a place for it. I think you can still capture realness in a studio session. I asked my husband if he would take some of us on his Friday off of work. I coached him through some in the studio and then some of me just simply getting her dressed like I do every day. I also coached him through taking some video clips of us together. I am absolutely in love with what he got. I will be forever grateful for these and for him. It is very rare that he has down time and I love that he spent his down time doing something that really mattered to me. This is just a couple of the shots. My Baby loves her fingers. A lot of my time with her is spent kissing her. I could literally eat her.:) Hopefully I can share others later.